Stop Confrontation

Write a note

Writing is used in our everyday communication. Letters, emails, newspapers, magazines, texts, and books communicate through writing. Before writing came to be, history was preserved in the elderly’s memories. Writing preserves records, communicates, makes war, and brings peace. But…..can it be used to communicate effectively with our kiddos?

We’ve been talking about how to effectively communicate with our kids. As parents and educators, the one sure way to ensure our children are safe and secure is through communication. It builds and strengthens our relationship with them. However, having them listen isn’t an easy task. They may rebel, act defensive, and sometimes choose to check out of the conversation. Hence, the need to learn about these disarming communication strategies. When I say “disarming”, I mean disarming the stress response system which is what knocks them into defense mode. This results in poor choices and a whole lot of frustration on the adut end.

Today, we’ll see how you can use notes to communicate with your children. Yes, I am talking about good old pen and paper.

When problems come up or children misbehave, effective communication is key to changing the situation. We’ve seen how using humor, giving children choices, and the one-word strategy can make for better and effective communication. Let’s dive into how writing notes can do this, too!

What’s the Power of Writing Notes?

Writing isn’t just a way to send or store information. It’s an effective, respectful, and wise way to communicate with kiddos. Haim Ginott, a famous psychologist in the 60s, pointed out that:

“Writing lends tremendous importance to your message. It gives a sense of permanence to your words. It displays tremendous consideration and forethought for the reader. Writing is much less confrontational, so it greatly reduces resistance and opposition.”

That alone tells us the tremendous power of writing. We need to leverage that when raising children. Even for kiddos who can’t read, the attention and thoughtfulness of writing them a note flatter them so much that they ask what’s written. In return, they are motivated to comply. Why? Because the note itself removes the tone and emotion from the message.

Additionally, taking time to write allows you to cool down. You get to communicate with a clear mind and organized thoughts. It gives children room to “save face” so they don’t feel criticized or bossed around. A note prevents an argument from taking place, bringing out the best in us even when we feel like hitting the roof.

My rule of thumb is if you’ve got something to say, but not sure how to proceed, consider leaving a note instead. Keep in mind, the notes don’t always have to be directing or demanding. They can also share praise and positivity.

EXAMPLES OF EFFECTIVE NOTES

• When you’re tired of your kiddos screaming and shouting your name when you need to sleep, stick a note on your bedroom door saying, “Shhhh… Mommy is sleeping.”
• Toys on the TV room floor, stick a note on the TV saying, “Pick up the toys on the floor then turn me on.”
• Snacking before dinner, hang a note on the kitchen door saying “Kitchen closed after 5:00! No snacking before dinner.”
• Wet towels on the bathroom floor, hang a note on the bathroom mirror saying, “Wet towels need to be hung up to dry.”

Remember, you can only teach love by showing it, patience by being patient, and politeness by being polite. Write down information that needs to be done. Don’t use notes to criticize, insult, lecture, blame, or give too many orders.

Be patient with yourself as you try to implement new ideas when communicating with your child. All good things take time, practice, and patience.

Want to learn more? Here’s a short video.